"I don't have time for self-care!": How to Incorporate Self-Care When It Seems Impossible
- Blair Ibarra
- Nov 29, 2024
- 5 min read
"I don't have time for self-care." If you have said that either aloud or in your head, don't worry; you're among the hundreds of people who say that regularly, including myself. Me? A therapist? Who touts the importance of self-care to every single client I have? To family members and friends and even strangers if I strike up a random conversation in a coffee shop.
I am the WORST at self-care in the same way that they say doctor's make the worst patients. And I had begun to hate it. Not the concept, of course, but what I thought it needed to be. You see, self-care has become somewhat of a buzz-word lately. It's in. It's on trend. And that's amazing! But it is often portrayed as some lavish affair that you need at least 3 week days off for. Even when it is something seemingly "small." Have you seen IceTok or the amount of Stanley cups all over social media? We don't all have the freezer space for 17 different ices or the funds for all the Stanley cup accessories. Or even the time to engage in any of that!
But what's important to remember (and even I have to remind myself this at times) is self-care is just that. In the purest sense of those words, it is literally anything you need to do to care for yourself. Sometimes this can be a lavish thing, like a vacation to the Carribean. But more often it is something small and reasonably attainable that you can do on a regular basis or when you need it. No shade to all the IceTokers or Carribean vacationers. We love that for you. It just isn't something we all can do.
So let's talk about my rules for self-care because yes, there are rules. But before we talk that, let's talk about laundry hampers.
My favorite metaphor that I like to use is session is that you brain space and your mental health is like a laundry hamper. Laundry hampers also have rules:
They can hold a lot but also have a finite amount of space- ie, you can't squeeze EVERYTHING in there. Yes, you might be able to push the laundry down and get just one more thing in there. But eventually, you won't be able to add anything else. |  |
 | Once a laundry hamper is full, if you try to put anything else in, either it will fall out or something else will fall out so that it can take it's place. Or worse, it will break. |
A laundry hamper's fill level differs everyday. Maybe you just did laundry so it's almost empty (I say almost because nobody's laundry hamper stays empty for long). Some days its filled almost to the top. You have to check to see if you need to do laundry of if you can add more clothes to it. |  |
 | Lastly, removing clothes from your laundry hamper is important or else you won't be able to use it ongoing. |
So back to your brain space being a laundry hamper- all of these rules apply to you too. Your brain space has a finite fill level- you can't just keep piling on responsibilities or tasks without any regard and expect to function well. Once you have reached your limit, you can't keep adding and expect yourself not to "burst open" at some point or for some things to fall through the cracks. Your mental health is not stagnant- it's a fluid state that changes every day and throughout the day. Your mood and energry fluctuating is a normal human experience. And when you do engage in self-care, or take things out of your laundry hamper, you can put more clothes in. OR just enjoy having less clothes in your hamper. Both should be celebrated.
Ok, now that we have established that you're a laundry hamper, let's talk about the self-care rules. Don't worry, there isn't too many, but here are the 4.
Rule #1: Self-care should VARY and come in different sizes- small, smedium, medium, large and maybe even extra large.
You should have a variety of things you can do and equip yourself with the tools to do them. An example of a small self-care task might be taking extra time to put on your favorite lotion. A smedium or medium might be taking a trip to your favorite museum (anything where you leave your house is definitely smedium and up in my opinion). A large might be buying that expensive juicer you wanted (why are juicers so expensive?!). The categories don't matter, as long as it's different "levels" of things you can incorporate in different circumstances. Sometimes you won't be able to take a vaction, but you can burn your favorite candle.
Rule #2: Self-care should be RESTORATIVE to you.
Rule #3: Self-care can be "REGULAR" things that you're "supposed" to do.
Rule #4: Self-care doesn't always SEEM like it makes a big difference.
So now what? You now know you're a laundry hamper. And that smedium is a valid size. With those tools in tow, I encourage you to make a plan. Your self-care will sometimes be mapped out and sometimes it will be random. I encourage you to think of self-care items or activities that fall into the following categories: something you can do everyday or even multiple times per day, something you can do in the next week or so, and something bigger and longer term that can support a goal of yours. Then make sure you have all the tools or you have a plan to get the tools to engage in your self-care.
Please please please- take care of yourself. You deserve it.
